I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
