I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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