Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
