i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
