he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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