Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
