Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
