after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
