If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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