Jerry, you need to find god
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have fence marks all over my body
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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