so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
