Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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