He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
