you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
