I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
