I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
