Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
