2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
