I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
try to milk me bitch
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