Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
