God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
