Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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