i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
