New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
