Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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