Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
