if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
