That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i out mim tonsoeep
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