I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
