I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
