Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
