so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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