yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
