Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
