he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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