dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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