Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
