I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
