she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
