the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
