Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
