No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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