if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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