Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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