How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
