going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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