I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
