Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
