Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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