I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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