bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
