careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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