Yo dont text me then not text me
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
