if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
