Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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