I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
